Falke

Don't worry, I'm not just going to be testing expensive tights. My glamorous colleague Samantha has suggested Sainsburys; lovely Laura has suggested H&M. I promise to return to the high street soon. 

These Falke tights have been in the drawer for a while, waiting for that most horrible of events, a hot day spent in the office. Many fashion experts would have you believe that me, Kate Middleton and your gran are the only people who wear tights when its hot. They are intent on making me feel like a freak. Its a much more extreme take on the view that it is not socially acceptable to wear black tights. Because if you wear tights it gives away the fact that you can't afford to take taxis everywhere. And if you can't afford to take taxis everywhere you must be a complete nobody. But if it's not socially acceptable to wear black tights, let alone nude tights, why do so many places sell them? Could it be because your feet really hurt if you wear shoes without socks or tights on a hot day? And most people have better things to spend their money on than taxis? Although maybe if I stopped spending so much money on expensive tights, I would have more to spend on taxis. 

We met Falke last time when we were reviewing Burlington. Falke has a whole line in wedding socks and tights. What the fuck is a pair of wedding socks? Is someone saying, 'You know you've spent £15,000 on a massive event. But I'm sorry its not going to be a special day unless you have special socks. And not just a pair of really nice socks, but a pair that has been marketed as wedding socks.' Even I think that's mental, and I spend about 2/3rds of my awake time thinking about tights. Can't help but think that this is more of this fashion industry bullshit. 

Scoring

Falke's non-wedding tights are nothing special. I don't know if they save the comfort and fit aspects for the wedding line, but if I was wearing these at my wedding, I would worry about sagginess. As well as a tendency to roll down, which might lead my guests to speculate if this was a shotgun wedding. 

This pair was £12 (it was 20 denier - hence being worn in hot weather. Proper opaques are around £25). Doesn't meet cost effectiveness targets at all.